Are Social Skills ‘Deficits’ an inherent part of Autism?
Understanding Autism and Social Skills: Embracing the Double Empathy Bind
When we think about social skills, we often imagine a universal set of rules and behaviors that everyone should follow. For autistic individuals, however, social interactions can be as varied and nuanced as their personalities. Traditional views on social skills often place the onus on autistic people to “fit in” with neurotypical norms. But what if we reframe the conversation? What if we consider social skills through a lens of mutual understanding, rather than conformity?
Welcome to the concept of the double empathy bind—a term coined by Dr. Damian Milton that sheds light on the reciprocal nature of empathy between autistic and neurotypical people. The double empathy bind suggests that challenges in communication are not solely the responsibility of autistic individuals. Instead, both autistic and neurotypical people may struggle to understand each other’s perspectives. This mutual difficulty creates a bind where each side feels misunderstood, but the key to overcoming this is empathy from both ends.
Rethinking Social Skills
Social skills are often framed as a set of behaviors deemed appropriate in various contexts, such as eye contact, conversational norms, or interpreting body language. For autistic individuals, these norms can sometimes feel foreign or overwhelming. It’s crucial to recognize that these “skills” are culturally and contextually dependent, and what is considered a social skill in one context may not be in another.
For instance, an autistic person might communicate differently, perhaps with more direct language or less frequent eye contact. These differences are not deficiencies; they are variations in how social interactions are navigated. Instead of viewing these differences as problems to be fixed, they should be celebrated as diverse ways of engaging with the world.
The Double Empathy Bind in Action
Imagine a conversation between an autistic person and a neurotypical person. The autistic individual might find small talk uncomfortable or unimportant, while the neurotypical person might struggle to understand why this conversation style isn’t engaging. This disconnect isn’t due to a lack of social skills on either side; rather, it’s a result of differing communication styles and expectations.
The double empathy bind helps us see that both parties have valid perspectives. An autistic person might excel in areas such as deep, focused conversations about special interests, while a neurotypical person might thrive in social settings that require quick, adaptive exchanges. The challenge lies not in changing one’s behavior to fit the other’s expectations but in finding common ground and understanding.
Moving Forward with Empathy
To bridge the gap created by the double empathy bind, we need to foster empathy and mutual respect. For neurotypical individuals, this means acknowledging and valuing different communication styles rather than imposing a one-size-fits-all approach. For autistic individuals, it involves recognizing that the social cues and norms of the neurotypical world are often not intuitive, but there are opportunities for shared understanding and connection.
Education and dialogue play key roles in this process. By learning about autism and the diverse ways people communicate, we can build more inclusive environments. This might mean adapting social expectations, such as allowing more time for responses or being open to different modes of communication.
Ultimately, embracing the double empathy bind encourages us to approach social skills as a spectrum of behaviors that can be navigated differently by different people. It’s not about fixing one side to match the other but about appreciating and accommodating the richness of diverse ways people interact.
Celebrating Neurodiversity
In the end, social interactions are most rewarding when they are genuine and respectful. Recognizing the double empathy bind reminds us that every person, autistic or neurotypical, brings unique strengths and perspectives to the table. By embracing this diversity, we create richer, more inclusive communities where all individuals can connect and thrive.
Let’s celebrate our differences and work together to understand each other better. After all, empathy is not just about making others fit into our world but about expanding our own to embrace a wider range of human experiences.
